Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Lately
Life had been pretty frustrating lately. I am still looking for a job. Which is never a fun thing, especially when the economy is the way it is. It makes finding a job pretty much impossible. I always thought that getting a masters degree would make finding a job easier. Not so much in fact. I had this whole plan in my head of how our life was going to go. Graduate- find amazing job, put Josh through school, Josh graduates and gets amazing job, I get licensed and maybe start private practice, start having kids bibbity bobbity boo! It turns out that life doesn't go how you plan it- ever. I'm not sure why I didn't remember this fact. You would think that with all of the twists and turns and 180's my life has taken, I would be well versed in the complexities and un-concreteness of life. Instead I find myself getting more and more frustrated and losing faith very quickly. I always have said that things happen for a reason. When I look back on the past few years, I can see the Lord's hand guiding my life so deliberately- and right now I just kind of feel alone out in the middle of nowhere. I would like some firm guidance now...please...please? I am sure that in a few years I will look back on these few months and say- well of course! I needed that time for this and this and this. It just doesn't feel so good right now. I am trying to keep the faith, and sometimes it's really hard to. It's like this thing one of my professors used to say - "yes, and" commenting on the duality of feelings. Feeling more than one thing at a time. Yes I am trying to keep the faith and it's really hard and I feel like giving up. Anyway- not to get all deep and depressing on the blog. Maybe it's the music Starbucks is playing at the moment... Just send a little prayer, thought, positive energy, whatever, my way. I could use it.
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6 comments:
Hey Girl, I know it's rough. Life is a funny thing...Faith is hard pressed when these kinds of hardships are right in our faces.
I had not one night where I did not cry over our situation, or ask God where He was when we were struggling. It is a huge test, but things are starting to look up, and I don't think any married couple striving to do their best will be looked over.
Before Aaron and I got married we ran into one of Aaron's old Bishops from his old singles ward. He said to us two things: "One, you are NEVER ready to get married, and Two, you are NEVER ready to have children." We took his advice knowing it would be hard in the beginning, but someday would be sooo worth it in the end.
Sorry to ramble like I have...I think I know now why I visit teach you. We are both going through the same things, and I feel like we understand each other. Us sisters gotta stick together!
Hope you are enjoying the movie run...I need to borrow some from you now, and maybe you can get some more from me. :)
Lots of Love
Ash
Chin up :) It DOES get better- and I know exactly how you feel. I have had the same fantastical ideas of how life on MY road map was supposed to turn out. And, you're right, it never turns out how you plan. 4 and a half years being married and there are lots of things that HAVEN'T happened...but that's where you have to stop and think about all the things that HAVE happened.
It's a frustrating thing to be an adult and I have wished many times to be about 7 years old, playing with construction paper and glue. But here we are, all "growed" up. And we have learned how to pray hard...and be patient :) Just keep the faith. And do as President Hinckley counseled, "Be believing, be happy, and don't worry. Things WILL work out!"
Luv you hunney
xoxo
I know how you feel. We thought that we'd be much further along in life after 10 years of marriage. But, that wasn't the plan, evidentally. I go through waves where I feel like you do know, asking "why" and then I have good moments where I feel His hand in every aspect of our lives. We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers:) Good luck in the job hunt, anybody would be lucky to have you!
Hey woman! I wrote you a while ago on your blog. Hopefully you remember me from DownEast Home Outfitters. I MISS YA! I'm so happy for you that you found such a great guy. You look even more beautiful from when I last saw you!
I'm sorry about what's happened. Believe me, I feel the same way. Being 27, hardly dating, still paying rent, and still in school. I thought for sure I'd be married and have my own home by now. So everything happens for a reason. This too shall pass. It could be worse. Sounds typical, but those three terms get me through real hard times. So just know that you'll pull through and realize the blessings that you have at this moment. Not what you don't have. So good luck.
Write me!
Becka Camara (curly-haired chick)
beckacurl@yahoo.com
I haven't read your other comments, so I am sure I am just adding to what has already been said. I am not the most ambitious person when it came to school or a career, so I feel like I don't have much to offer in the way of advice. I do know that there is always an additional pressure to succeed when you have a set plan, and that plan includes more than just taking care of yourself. Now you have to worry about succeeding for Josh. It can put a lot of pressure on a person. Don't let it! GREAT things take time...Josh took time, school took time, and your career will take time. Look at this as a chance for YOU to slow down and think about what job fits your needs the most. In addition, you say your praying for guidence and for something to work out with a job offer...but if its not happening maybe Heavenly Father wants you to consider another path. I am really just blabbing at this point, and searching desperatley to help a friend to feel better! Gloriana, I love you dearly. You are a really special person, and you won't be let down in life. Give things time to fall into place! Love you!
Wait...you mean student life isn't forever?!? There's eomething more than this?!? :)
Okay, so I'm technically not the student anymore, and I guess Luke's technically "working" since his residency gives a (small) paycheck.
It's hard to feel valuable and fulfilled and that you have a purpose in life when you're in these in-between stages, but it will pass. Some day.
The trick is to enjoy this time anyway, frustrations and all, because it's going to pass too, too quickly. (Cliche, I know, but sometimes cliches are true.) And some night you'll be hauling a bag of stinky diapers to the dumpster, wondering what you were supposed to accomplish that day, because all you did was clean up after a toddler. Over and over and over again.
We're all with you, in some form or another. And if we're not, we were or soon will be. Several times.
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